Fear is a really strong emotion. It is not only a verb but it takes us over like a noun! It becomes so big and controlling it is like a person standing beside you, leading you down a path. Most of the time the root of our stagnancy and unhappiness is the fear of change. It is a balancing act, how much do I want this, and what I am I willing to do to get it? Many times we sacrifice and fear takes over and we do nothing. This is why, after years of dreaming you find yourself in the same spot.
Here are a few suggestions: (write these down and hold yourself accountable! Give yourself a times line for change and say it to someone out loud).
1. Get very clear with what you want to do or how you want things to be different: Keep drilling down your answers to get at the foundation of the idea. For example: I want to be in a job I love. (that is pretty broad!) I want to feel challenged... I want to feel appreciated.... I want to feel as if I am making a difference to others..... I want to have autonomy and flexibility. The more you ask yourself questions the more your answers will evolve and clarify. From there you can move towards creating this change within your boundaries of clarity.
2. Figure out your "negotiables" and "non-negotiables": This will tell you where you have flexibility and what elements really matter. Each time you decide on one, challenge yourself a bit further. "Is there any circumstance that I am willing to do X" As an example: I am willing to drive farther but not willing to move. I am willing to go to therapy to work on this relationship but I am not willing to be disrespected and yelled at. It is great to set boundaries, just make sure you are prepared to stick to them. If not, they are harmful to growth.
It is amazing how life gets a bit easier when you are clear with yourself and others. You will notice that people approach you in a different way and your interactions become more productive.
3. Start slowly, one small step at a time: The dreams and change is big. Start with a small piece, clarify your goal, and live in the process of change. Feel the discomfort but trust in the moment knowing you are heading in the direction of fulfillment and wholeness. You will live into your dream slowly, when it emerges you will be ready, you will have done the work, asked the questions, and be ready to catapult forward!
Remember to keep a journal so you are able to look back and see your progress, you will be amazed and inspired by your journey.
One of my favorite quotes:
…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet