Every Action (or inaction) Has a Consequence

Your Team Feels What You Don’t Say

Creating trust and engagement begins with everyday moments.

“Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” Charles Feldman

Every interaction you have is a deposit—or a withdrawal—in the emotional bank of trust. Behavior and communication are cumulative. They leave a lasting impact, for better or for worse. You get to choose the trajectory.

Trust isn't built in bold moments, it is found in the fleeting moments of connection.

Brene Brown speaks of the marble jar. With each positive interaction, a marble is added to the jar. They can be small, like remembering a birthday, bringing an unexpected coffee, or staying late to help finish a project. Each one subtly saying, “I am in this with you.” “I care about you as an individual and am a partner in your success.” This is what it means to be human.

Slow, small deposits over time lead to trust, loyalty, and connections. It is the same capital that you rely on when a mistake is made. Forgiveness is more easily extended when you have proactively invested.

The Power of Investing in Micro-Moments.

Have you ever heard a negative rumor about a good friend that seems uncharacteristic? Your response isn’t judgment but rather curiosity. “That doesn’t sound like Sarah, I should check in with her and make sure she is ok.” You assume the best because of the underlying trust.  Her investment in you created loyalty when she needed you most.

Teams with high trust feel psychological safety and stay in conversations longer, lean into curiosity, and feel loyalty toward the organization and each other.

To build a relationship with your child you don’t just show up for their graduation and sports events. You sit with them in the dark. You reread their school paper. You listen to how their day was. You arrive home ten minutes before them so that they’re not entering an empty house.

It is these small, subtle, quiet moments that create connection and trust. Celebration is easy. It’s the quiet, everyday moments that bind us.

The opposite of trust isn't mistrust, it is betrayal.

I also warn you that this same jar can be upended in a heartbeat. Public criticism, disengagement, inappropriate or divisive behavior can very quickly derail your previous offerings. This is betrayal.

Betrayal doesn't refer solely to the negative act—it is leveraging the positive against the negative. It is knowing what the other needs and consciously withholding it.

“There is the opportunity to build trust and there is the opportunity to betray. Because as small as the moments of trust can be, those are the moments of betrayal as well. To choose to not connect when the opportunity is there is betrayal.” - Brown

My Challenge to You: 

As you know, this jar can be emptied even quicker than it takes to fill it. We can easily add to the jar, however, all it takes is one negative interaction to start depleting multiple marbles at one time.

Awareness is the key.

Moments of crisis or tension tangled with unconscious action will erode years of work. Protect your jar.

• As a leader, your participation is never neutral. You are either adding or withdrawing from the bank of trust.

• If you are feeling threatened or anxious, take a pause before saying something you may regret. Protect the jar.

• Take stock in your relationships. Are you adding to the jar, or expecting others to simply assume the best without active participation of generosity?

• When the jar spills (and it will), lead with humility, sincere apology, and action to rebuild.

Questions to keep you grounded.

“Did I lead with genuine curiosity and connection today?”

“Did I withhold connection in service of myself?”

“Am I leading with service to the person or the product?”