How to Say "No"

You’re not alone if you feel overwhelmed by endless tasks and commitments to serve others. But ask yourself—how is this serving you?

Why do we often feel that declining a request to help makes us “unhelpful,” “selfish,” or “thoughtless”? These words may swirl in our minds because of a story we tell ourselves—one we haven’t paused to examine.

Here’s the truth: Every time you say “yes” to something, you’re also saying “no” to something else. There’s always a consequence, even if it isn’t immediate. For example, saying “yes” to an extra project at work might mean saying “no” to mentoring your team, quality time with your family, exercising, or pursuing a passion that truly lights you up.

So, what’s the solution?

1. Clarify Your Personal Vision

Get crystal clear on who you want to be and what you’re working toward. Let that vision guide your decisions. When opportunities arise, ask yourself: Does this bring me closer to my goals or align with my values?

2. Buy Yourself Time

Pause before answering. It is easy to assume there is a need for an immediate response, most of the time you are incorrect. You don’t have to respond immediately! Try saying: “Wow, thank you for thinking of me. I’d like some time to reflect and make sure I have the time to give this project what it deserves. Can I get back to you tomorrow at 9 a.m.?”

This shows respect for both their request and your time. Plus, it gives you space to think things through instead of reacting on impulse.

You can soften the “no” by expressing appreciation and offering an alternative, like: “I’d love to help, but I’m currently at capacity. Can I recommend someone else who might be a great fit?”

In the end, saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s an act of self-respect. When you honor your own limits, you make space for what truly matters in your life.

3. Do a “Gut Check”

Does this request spark joy, energy, or excitement? If not, ask: Why am I considering it? Are fear, obligation, or avoidance influencing your decision? Take quiet time to explore your beliefs and what support you might need.

4. Say “No” with Grace

As Dr. Lois Frankel says, “The key to saying no without saying no is to make the asker feel heard and respected while protecting your own boundaries.” Here is a great interview with Dr. Frankel from Coaching For Leaders.

“In the end, these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?”- Buddha