We experience and filter information through our values. We hone in on some things and disregard others. Uniquely integrating moments throughout the day.
I recently re-read Brene Brown’s book, Dare to Lead. It is a compelling and thought-provoking book that is filled with insight. One area of focus is VALUES. This struck me as particularly relevant and worth discussing.
Have you considered how your fundamental values drive your decisions, perspectives, reactions, and choices and how this will change from person to person?
Values are the conscious, or unconscious, north star of how we experience life.
What are your core values? Many of us can quickly rattle off 10 “values,” but what if I asked you to find the most essential three? (This is harder than you think.)
Whittling it down requires deep insight and reflection. As Brene explains:
“We can’t live into values that we can’t name, AND living into values requires moving from lofty aspirations to specific, observable behaviors.”
Not only is it important to have personal clarity around your values, but it is also imperative that you are clear with othersas to what you value. For example, my core values are courage, integrity, and honesty. These values create the veil from which I see the world, create relationships, and react to situations.
When Values Misalign
“Value” in this context is the one thing you double down on and will rarely sacrifice for. This is different from what you regard as important. “Values” holds a depth of individual truth and focus.
Imagine you are working on a team project, and the due date is nearing. Given your primary value is Integrity, you feel angst around the idea of not delivering as promised. Your colleague values truth, which leads her to rethink all of the data and double-check the numbers, slowing the process. You have a disconnect that might derail your relationship and create unspoken tension.
Remember, there is no “right or wrong” in this scenario, however, you could see how stress and anxiety could quickly escalate. To avoid this, preemptively discuss what you value most before you begin. Based on these perspectives, you can collaborate to support each other's work and find a mutual solution.
Disconnect and stress come when you assume the other person has values similar to yours.
My Challenge for You:
Create clarity around your values. Here is Brene’s list of values to get you started.
Share this list with your team (or partner) and begin to discuss how your coveted values impact your work and where it may create conflict within the team.
Discuss this at the dinner table, you may be surprised by what you discover!
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