Leadership Means Naming What’s Unspoken

I had an incredible coaching call this week that underscored a powerful truth: when things feel stuck, dig deeper and keep asking questions.

One of my favorite phrases is, “If it feels too hard, stop, reassess, and try again.” 

Let me clarify—leadership, relationships, and transformation should be thoughtfully challenging and galvanizing not exhausting or repetitive. If you find yourself banging your head against the wall, having the same conversation on repeat, or feeling constantly disappointed—it might be a sign you’re fighting the wrong battle.

Here’s a recent example: I was coaching a long-time client who was struggling with a senior direct report. Normally, my client is clear, direct, and grounded—but in this situation, she was circling, hesitant, and almost avoiding the issue. We kept exploring tactical approaches to address her “concerns,” but something didn’t sit right.

So I paused and named what I was sensing: 

“I am sensing there’s something deeper going on—you’re not leading with your usual confidence. Is it possible there’s more beneath the surface?”

That question changed everything.

As she reflected, she realized there had been a miscommunication nine months ago—an unresolved moment that fractured trust. That unattended to tension had been quietly influencing every interaction since.

Lesson: The real issue is rarely the loudest one.

In leadership, it’s easy to apply quick fixes—band-Aids, workarounds, or temporary strategies that create the illusion of progress. But, if you’re not addressing the root issue, you’ll find yourself stuck in the same cycle, chasing the same problem from a different angle.

Powerful leadership means knowing when to pause.

It means questioning what seems obvious, listening for what isn’t being said, and having the awareness to name what’s actually at play.

Slowing down to answer the real question will not only save you time, but also will set the stage for trusting relationships and high-functioning teams.

Leadership should feel like a dance—a connected flow with just the right mix of ease and challenge. If toes are getting stepped on, don’t turn up the music. Pause, and make sure everyone’s actually doing the Tango.