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  • Writer's pictureShandy Welch

Release Control and “Let Them”!

A client was nice enough to send me this podcast episode, and it not only resonated deeply with me, but I in turn, have sent it to many other clients.  This is a clear sign I should share it with you!  

Mel Robbins is a no-nonsense podcaster that gets right to the point.  Her episode “Let Them Theory” struck a nerve.  

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone does something that seems either counterproductive, a waste of time, overindulgence, or simply “wrong”?  If you are like me, you want to “fix it.”  Help find a better solution, suggest a more efficient approach, or offer to help.  I find I spend so much mental energy worrying, strategizing, and perseverating, which distracts me from what really matters.  

Mel suggests we adopt the theory of “Let Them.”  As the need to control the situation bubbles up within you, Stop yourself and repeat after me…” Let Them”   

  • Let them discover what an empty gas gauge means.

  • Let them wear shorts in the winter.

  • Let them show up unprepared for a meeting.

  • Let them not wash their clothes for a week.

*Clearly, we are not talking about a self-harm or safety situation; don’t let them drive drunk or do/say something out of rage or make a dire mistake.

Release yourself from the burden or need to care for another’s seemingly bad decisions, approaches, or thoughts.  Let Them.  It is consequences that allow us to reflect and grow.

This doesn’t mean you don’t care or aren’t interested in supporting, it just allows you not to be tied into another’s choice of action.  This approach allows the other person to experience life and consequences independently- without your safety net.  Sometimes they fall, sometimes they don’t, but either way, you have not used your energy on something that is not yours to own.

Robbins reflects that “when you ‘Let Them’ do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.”

Adopting this approach has been very mentally freeing.  My husband and I will throw the “Let Them” phrase out as a sign of solidarity of knowing.  It feels good to have someone support you in stepping back and letting the chips fall as they may.  I am released from the hypervigilance status and the self-imposed need to fix and control.

I trust you, support you, and let you make decisions and choices on your own, even if I predict it will be difficult.  

If the roles were reversed, and someone “let you,” you undoubtedly understood how much you learned and appreciated the gift of hindsight.

My Challenge to You:

  • Become conscious of your need to “fix it” and take a movement to pause.  What if you “Let Them”?   How would that feel, and what would be the worst-case scenario?  

  • Share your desire to pull back from fixing with a partner or colleague.  Having the support of another is really helpful.

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