Why Leaders Hide Behind Equality

Last week’s writing on equity and equality had the highest read rate I’ve ever had.

Clearly, the idea struck a nerve.

So let’s go deeper. Understanding equity intellectually is one thing. Practicing it as a leader is something entirely different.

Equality feels safe.

It avoids nuanced conversations.It is efficient.And for some leaders it feels less risky or potentially litigious.

I agree. It does all of those things.

It also quietly creates mediocrity, mistrust, and complacency.

Treating everyone the same may feel fair on the surface.

Leadership is rarely that simple.

Exceptional leadership requires you to stay steady in moments of tension.

To care more about the health of the organization and the development of individuals than about your own comfort.

Tension is where many leaders retreat.

We start telling ourselves stories.

• What if they fly off the handle?

• What if people think I am playing favorites?

• What will everyone else expect if I say yes?

All of that might happen.

Or none of it might.

You will not know until you step into the conversation.

Consider this:

You promote a director. Another colleague, Tim, has similar tenure and experience. Your instinct might be to promote him as well. It feels fair.

But your leadership instincts say otherwise. Tim struggles to build trust with his team and organization and follow-though  is not his strength.

Promoting him may resolve the immediate tension, but it will likely create a much bigger problem later. For Tim, for his team, and for you.

So instead of rushing to resolve the tension, slow down and seek to understand.

Ask Tim what growth looks like for him. Where does he feel most energized? What kind of work challenges him in the best way and how does he envision the next step in his career?

Not everyone defines success the same.

In Radical Candor, Kim Scott describes two types of high performers: rock stars and superstars.

Some thrive on rapid advancement.

Others find deep satisfaction mastering their role and contributing in steady, meaningful ways.

Neither is better.

They are simply different.

Don’t assume, inquire.

What most people actually want is not “fairness” for fairness’ sake.

They want the opportunity to be challenged.To be recognized.

To be valued.

Maybe the real definition of fair leadership is not giving everyone the same outcome.

Maybe it is committing to fairly evaluate people.Fairly invest the time to understand them.And fairly align opportunity with their strengths and aspirations.

When leaders slow down long enough to truly understand people, something interesting happens.

The fear begins to settle.

Because fairness becomes less about defending decisions and more about demonstrating thoughtful leadership.

There is an interesting study in medicine that illustrates this point.

Physicians with no malpractice claims spent an average of 18.3 minutes with their patients.

Physicians with claims averaged 15 minutes.

A difference of 3.3 minutes.

Sometimes the space between conflict and trust is surprisingly small.

Three extra minutes to listen.

Three extra minutes to understand.

Three extra minutes to see someone as an individual.

What is three minutes worth to you?