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Is being a controller serving you well? Who do you want to be and what are you prepared to do to get there? Many of you let me know that my last Weekly Wisdom on the “Stickler” brought a lot of insight and introspection. With that in mind, I am now committed to teaching you about all of the 10 saboteurs identified in Positive Intelligence: Stickler, Judge, Controller, Hyper Achiever, Hyper-vigilant, Avoider, Pleaser, Victim, Hyper-rational Once you are aware of the thoughts and circumstances that hijack your positivity and potential you have an opportunity to choose differently. Awareness is the key and the beginning. Through this practice, you are able to develop the insight, awareness and mental muscle to physiologically change the neural pathways in your brain resulting in better relationships, greater success, personal growth, and happiness! Pretty cool huh? Full disclosure, my top saboteur is the “controller”, while it has served me well in many situations, I now see how it has sometimes robbed me of the opportunity to appreciate others' experiences and develop a more collaborative approach. Through my personal learning, I have been able to move my top saboteur from a 6.7 out of 10 to a 3.4! The objective is to shift your thoughts from the left side of the brain (the primitive region which reacts to danger and is focused on survival) to the prefrontal cortex where empathy for yourself and others resides. People with a strong controller are typically confident, action-oriented, and decisive. They have the confidence to do the right thing even if not popular and are able to see the possibilities in themselves and others. All great traits except when it goes too far… If left unchecked, this perspective might alienate and intimidate others and create followers instead of leaders. We can become so laser-focused on getting the job done that we don’t empower others to grow or recognize the importance of incorporating empathy and vulnerability into the relationship. How might this show up? You are given a project and don’t see the need or have the interest to become curious as to others' perspectives. You take control, assign tasks based on your perception of being “right” and move forward. How do you think others feel? Maybe they have learned just to back away when you are involved since it is clear you are not interested in hearing others' opinions. The room gets quiet and you may wonder why nobody seems to participate. Doesn’t this get lonely? Yes, the project is complete but you are alone at the finish line. Tactics to improve. Recognize that you have a tendency to take control and stop yourself. Breathe. Become curious as to others' ideas and allow them to speak FIRST. Only until everyone has participated do you offer your thoughts. Simon Sinek says it best, “be the last to speak”. Trust others' skills and competency. Remember, there is more than one way to approach a situation. Most of the time it is more gray than black and white. Show your own vulnerability, this will actually draw others closer and feel more connected to you. My Challenge To You: Take the saboteur assessment here. This will make a lot more sense if you can identify your areas of focus. Trust me, it is incredible! Observe your thoughts and behavior in various situations, are you jumping in or collaborating with others? Is your way always “right”? Pay attention to what is driving your emotions. Fear? Insecurity? Try to step away from this initial feeling and connect with empathy for others. This brief moment will slow the reaction cycle and create a more intentional response. If this is intriguing, please reach out to me and schedule a call.

Consider this… prior to 1954 it was considered “physically impossible” to run a mile in under 4 minutes but that year in England a 25-year-old medical student defied all odds. He ran the mile in 3 minutes 59 seconds. Two months later another person broke the record and since then over 1400 people have run the mile in less than 4 minutes. How is it that no one ran that fast until the veil of impossibility was lifted? “Between stimulus and response, there is a space, in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” - Victor Frankel, Holocaust survivor What is possible in your life if you are not limited by what other people or you believe, say, or expect? Really think about this, how has your vision or dreams been corralled by external expectations? What blinders have you put on that unconsciously stagnate your growth? What if you didn’t listen to those beliefs? What if you appreciate the challenge and choose to defy the perceived odds? Limiting belief is grounded in three main principles: Self-awareness or self-leadership Fear Self-worth Self-awareness: Tackling this requires mental clarity and mindfulness, to begin to recognize and challenge what we have taken for granted. Slow your responses and lead with curiosity as to “why”? Not in an aggressive way, but in a spirit of uncovering what “has been” for so long. With the excitement and openness of a child, see things without borders or expectation. See what could be, what is possible if we allow for change. Ground your vision and dive into something greater than yourself and keep your focus at the forefront. Who is to determine what YOU are capable of? Whether it is a physical challenge or a work project, your success is directly correlated with what you believe is possible. If you think you can’t… you are right! “Self-leadership” refers to self-accountability. Leadership is the epitome of intentionality if you are a leader worth following. Be mindful of the actions you take, the words you speak, and the example you set. Andy Stanley does a beautiful job of laying this out in this podcast episode titled Self Leadership. Fear: Let’s talk about the worst-case scenario, what if you fail? Is it the fear of failure that stops you from pushing further and expecting more? Why aren't you fearful of never becoming as spectacular as you could be? Do you see that your inward judge is hijacking your potential success? Self-worth: How does one become bold and confident? How do you stay focused and not get derailed? Evan Carmichael speaks to this idea in this episode of The Science of Success. Take inventory of your life. What do you dream to be true but hesitate to act on because of an outside force or opinion? Seeing your gifts and talents is crucial. Recognize your brilliance and connect with how much you have to offer. To be spectacular, to push the limits, and to live beyond your expectations will require you to step outside your comfort zone and believe in the impossible. Gather your strength and know your worth, you already have what it takes to succeed!