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Here we go, #3 of the 10 Characteristics and Qualities of a Good Leader​ Integrity Delegation Communication Self-Awareness Gratitude Learning Agility Influence Empathy Courage Respect The is a loaded word, with many implications, consequences, and opportunities all rolled into one. I will try to break it down in two minutes or less! There are three major categories within communication: Verbal Non-verbal Listening Verbal: Choose your words wisely, Oscar Trimboli the author of Deep Listening, highlights that we can think at 400 words per minute but we speak at only 125 words per minute, which means that 1/3rd of our thoughts are not being clearly articulated. How you speak and the words you choose are worth consideration. It is easy to speak your thoughts and leave the interpretation up to the receiver but I guarantee that approach will not serve you well. There is a disconnect between what is thought, what is spoken, and what is heard. Combine that with poor body language and tone and you and your listener are heading in opposite directions. Deliver your message with clarity.. Many “fill the air with words”, and don’t consider the importance of preparation and intentionality. Consciousness and clarity reflect your professionalism and preparation, and many times determine the response. Lack of clarity in an attempt to avoid difficult conversations is a common habit (one of the most destructive and frankly selfish behaviors leaders possess). Communicating honestly and often creates a culture of trust and transparency. Withholding feedback because you feel uncomfortable gives you immediate relief but does nothing to serve the recipient or team. You cannot ask for accountability or success if you have not led with the truth. Know your audience- consider age, culture, hierarchy, the mood of the room, and your relationship with the recipient(s). Powerful concise discussions should be direct and impactful while simultaneously open and engaging. Great communication is an elaborate dance, it requires patience, insight, deep listening, and clarity. Finally curiosity. As Simon Sinek says: Leader Speak Last (a powerful 2-minute video). If you immediately tell a group what you think and then ask their opinion, you have shifted the dynamic and they will be reluctant to share. Speak last and show the team their thoughts are valued, be humble and learn from others, and only then, share. Non-Verbal: As a leader, your presence and (hopefully) unintended intimidation precede you. It is your responsibility to be aware of this and over-compensate in an effort to build collaboration, trust, and alignment. Non-verbal cues speak volumes and believe me, you are being watched at all times. Is your phone on the table or do you turn it off and put it away during a meeting? Without speaking, most will follow suit, try it. Leaders set expectations by their actions, not their words. Do I have your undivided attention or are you multitasking? If multitasking, you are telling me that my ideas are not a priority. Where are your eyes? Are you looking at me or somewhere else? Again, what is your priority? Body language: bring awareness to what your hands are doing, if they are covering your face so you can think I may interpret that as you are tired, uninterested, or angry. Are you standing or sitting to create a power move? All of these small elements send impactful and lasting messages. Listening: Oscar Trimboli is a leader in teaching the art of listening. Listening is a learned skill and one which is pivotal for leaders to master. Listening is not just about hearing the words spoken but taking all of the ideas above and considering what is being conveyed and intended. Listen to learn vs. listening to respond Many people use questions as an opportunity to give their opinion or highlight the inadequacies of the other. This is not useful and honestly, it is a power play.. I encourage you to ask questions in the spirit of learning and discovering what you don’t know. This requires a neutrality of opinion and an openness of humility. The choice to partner with another for the shared desire to learn and drive success. There are many words spoken and there is much left unsaid. It is an art and skill to navigate through it all and discover what is foundational for growth, support, and understanding. Patience and curiosity will serve you well. Notice the nuances, the averted eyes, the choice of words, and the body alignment, it is all of these that will complete the story and assist you in finding the truth. My Challenge to You: The Center for Creative Leadership wrote a very nice article on this important subject. Consider the 125/400 rule, what stop gaps might you put in place to improve the chance that what you intend to say (thinking) corresponds with the words you choose and in turn, more accurately aligns with what your recipient hears? Bring deeper awareness to your conversations and begin to notice the subtleties of the dialog and relationship. Challenge yourself to stay present with the other’s comments as opposed to formulating a mental response. Before responding, allow for 5 seconds of silence, many times this break in conversation allows for deeper discussion and clarification. If you missed the previous deeper dives into leadership characteristics, you can find them here.

Building upon last week's writing let’s tackle #2, delegation… Integrity Delegation Communication Self-Awareness Gratitude Learning Agility Influence Empathy Courage Respect (taken from The 10 characteristics and Qualities of a Good Leader.) HBR wrote about this very subject when discussing a leadership impact, “The upper limit of what’s possible will increase only with each collaborator you empower to contribute their best work to your shared priorities. Likewise, your power decreases with every initiative you unnecessarily hold on to.” Delegation is the one thing that will transition you from doing to leading. It is this very thing that so many leaders struggle with. You are not alone. Some see delegation as giving up control or protecting their team from overwork. There are two fundamental reasons to capitalize on delegation Delegation allows time for you to step into true leadership. You are needed and coveted for your high level of strategic wisdom, operational thinking, and inspiring action and innovation. Energy spent on anything below that is not capitalizing on your strengths. Delegation creates an opportunity to grow and empower your team. It allows others to highlight their inherent skills, develop new competencies, and creates a culture of trust and cohesion. A leader’s mission is to support the team, identify individual areas of strength, and offer opportunities to drive initiatives. Delegation requires humility, it asks that you take a backseat and allow the limelight to shine on others. Your role becomes that of an influencer and inspirational motivator rather than the doer. I often think of a conductor, the audience watches the individual musicians and applauds their talents but the musicians all know that without the conductor creating unity and form, the individual musicians will not perform to perfection. Great leadership can not be motivated by ego, but rather by the quiet development and support of others. Why is delegation so hard? Many times it is the story the delegation is creating. “If I delegate, others may think I am lazy”, “I don’t want to disappoint others so I continue to take on more tasks.”, “There is a lack of clarity around whose job it is so I’ll just do it.” or, “I am the only one who can do it right”. I have heard all of these and more. The two common themes that emerged: Clarity and Skill Clarity: Having a clear team vision and organizational structure allows for seamless delegation and communication. The tendency to hold on to work when it does not align with your goals slows the success of everyone. It is easy to delegate when the task simply does not fall within your purview of work. In Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, delegation is discussed in the context of “organizing and executing around priorities.” There is a fixed amount of time and energy to give. Your role as a leader is to step back, separate from the emotion, and work from the level of highest performance, upholding the greater vision, and creating skilled team members. Skill: Learning to say “no” without saying no, is a life-saving skill. Lois Frankel speaks beautifully to this in her interview with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching for Leaders. The stories in your head will sabotage your performance and get the best of you. Creating skills and language around delegation will eliminate reactionary responses and shift the dynamic. Frankel gives practical examples of how to execute this talent. Covey quotes J.C. Penny saying that “the wisest decision he ever made was to ‘let go’ after realizing that he couldn’t do it all by himself any longer. That decision enabled the development and growth of hundreds of stores and thousands of people.” It is easy to see delegation as giving something away, but I would challenge you to think of it as providing others opportunities and growth. My Challenge to You: Become mindful as to what are the stories you are telling yourself about delegation. How does this serve you? Objectively identify how your time is being spent: Print a week of your calendar and highlight three areas : Activities that are high-level and directly align with your job and only you can provide insight and action. Activities that are “informational” and your input is not required. Activities that have been added without intentionality or strategy in mind. Critically look at how and where your time is being spent and what colors dominate. Is there an opportunity to delegate, eliminate, or shift focus so you are capitalizing on your inherent strengths? *The last client I did this with immediately shaved 5 hours of meetings off her schedule!

Building upon last week's writing I will begin with the first of ten foundations of leadership. Integrity Delegation Communication Self-Awaeness Gratitude Learning Agility Influence Empathy Courage Respect While this word is familiar to all of us, I am curious as to how many of you use it as a guiding light for leadership? How easily we can get caught up in the rat race of success and competition and find ourselves far from our core intentions. Small sacrifices to appease the moment and we later find we have created a standard, reputation, or path which no longer aligns with core values. As with all foundational elements, mindset will be at the core of each of them. Consciously deciding that they are important enough to inspire self-accountability with every action and detail of your work. In his podcast episode, Integrity in the Life of a Leader Andy Stanley defines integrity as “doing what you know is right even if it costs you.” Last July I wrote my Weekly Wisdom on this episode and would encourage you to read it. Andy highlights the subtle places you will be challenged: finance, liberty, recognition, and pleasure. It is these areas that provide a playground for temptation. I strongly believe the difference between good and great leadership is detailed work. It is not obvious or easy. It is in the difficult times, when it may “cost you”, yet, you stand steady and take the hit for the greater good and the path to sustained success. Integrity and the complexity it implies starts and ends with you alone. How you choose to tackle these scenarios will not only define your legacy but will set the stage for your leadership, the example you set, and, what is repeated by others. My Challenge to You: Integrity is intimately tied to your values. Get clear as to what you value and how you are prepared to prioritize them. Accountability will keep you on course. Having a trusted and honest advisor is imperative. Who will hold up the mirror and without judgment, ask you the hard questions? Failure and temptation are inevitable. Anticipating and preparing a response and action plan will prevent reactive behavior and further demise. “Plan for the best and prepare for the worst”.

“Leadership” is a variable. It may define what we do or it may define who we are. It is these very questions that so many of you struggle with. How to transition from “doing” to “leading”, let's be honest, it is the “doing” that got you where you are now. You have been the one who made things happen, who dotted the I’s and crossed the T’s. it is the fire within you that others saw and appreciated. Now you are in a leadership role and when anxiety and stress are high it is easy to revert back to what you know, “doing”. You inherently want to take over, fix it, and move on… but that is not leading. Up to the mid-1900s leadership was seen as an opportunity to “coerce obedience” and “impress the will of the leader on those led”. From mid-century until now, the focus has shifted to servant and transformational leadership. Intrinsic motivation is what people now seek and what sustains teams. Colleagues are looking to be inspired, acknowledged, and valued, and it is from this environment that they will inherently work harder and perform with enthusiasm and teamwork. It is from this platform that leadership begins I am not suggesting it is all or nothing but the pendulum has swung and every action needs to be balanced with the desire to support others, create a vision, inspire, and strategize at a high level. A recent article from the Center of Creative Leadership highlighted The 10 characteristics and Qualities of a Good Leader. Integrity Delegation Communication Self-Awareness Gratitude Learning Agility Influence Empathy Courage Respect Notice there is no mention of business acumen, technical prowess, or sales indices. Great leadership starts with self-leadership, self-awareness as to how you think, taking personal accountability for how you impact others, how you cultivate greatness in others, and how you conduct yourself that inspires people around you. Great leadership is not about perfecting the tactical process, it is about stepping back and seeing what others can’t. It is guiding and promoting curiosity to discover new opportunities. It is about using your years of wisdom to develop and enhance possibility. For the next several weeks I will be highlighting this list of 10 qualities, diving deeper into their meaning, and giving you resources and examples as to how to implement them more fully. Get ready!

Out of all the topics that come up in coaching, this has to be number one. No matter your profession, education level, or title, having difficult conversations is a dreaded subject. Let’s break it down and see if we can make it a bit easier. While this is a big topic, and certainly, there is more depth to be found, this will get you started. Timing is everything: Emotions will derail you and sabotage the conversation 100% of the time. Step back and give yourself the gift of space and time. If you are committed to having a good outcome, make sure the timing of this discussion is one in which you are not outwardly angry, have the ability to be open to another’s perspective, are interested in listening to learn, and are curious as to what you may not know. Your mindset is critical for success. The goal is to approach these discussions with clarity, calm, and focus. Be clear on your intention: What do you want from this conversation? To be heard and understood? To be vindicated? To get something or find a resolution? Whatever it is, take time to become clear as to what is your endpoint and what success looks like. Ask for the time to discuss. Do not blindside your opponent. This will ensure defensiveness and emotion. Ask for a convenient time and place that feels emotionally and physically safe. Begin the conversation with your shared belief, feeling, or desire: This initial statement will show empathy and brings levity to mounting anxiety. Allowing you both to see the human side of each other immediately diffuses tension and emotion. For example, “I appreciate that we both share the common desire to push this project to completion before next week. It is because of this common goal that I want to have this conversation.” Be honest, clear, and succinct: When stress and anxiety are high, many people speak louder, take on a quicker pace, and become overly verbose. Take moments to breathe and allow for silence. Pick your words carefully to clearly communicate what you need or want, and then stop. Many of us like to drive the point home over and over, to avoid this trap. Say it once, and then move on. Do not exaggerate and stick to the facts. The words “never” and “always” should be avoided. The other person will seek a reason to discredit your message and disengage. Using these words gives them permission to do just that. Avoiding difficult conversations only gives you temporary relief, it is never a solution and certainly creates an opportunity for mounting anxiety, and you become a prisoner to the story. Having relationships that are built on trust and honesty are incredibly valuable and rewarding. Well worth the difficult conversation. Be brave and do it.

There is no faster path to success than creating clarity. While there are many aspects to “clarity” the one I challenge you to think about is developing clarity for yourself. What is it that you really want or need? A simple query yet, very few people take intentional time to sit with this question and find the answer. We often simply “do” without clear a direction or purpose. Without an established goal or endpoint, we consequently become wandering untethered beings. Clarity yields intention and purpose, As the year is winding down I would challenge you to take stock of what is driving you and what you see as your purpose. It is with this clarity that doors will open and opportunities will present themselves. It is with a clear vision that great questions arise and relationships become purposeful and focused. Years ago I was helping a friend who was looking for a job after a long hiatus of unemployment, she had been on several job interviews and sent in many applications with no offers. I then asked her to describe her dream job, it was then that she broke down in tears explaining that she had no idea what she wanted to do. Her shoulders were slumped and she averted eye contact. It was this lack of clarity and confidence that employers saw and to no surprise, did not feel compelled to extend an offer. We spent the next hour defining and clarifying her dream job. She left our meeting with energy, excitement, and renewed enthusiasm. Two weeks later she had been presented with three job offers! That is the power of clarity. You can not motivate others if you are unclear yourself. Great leadership starts with self-leadership. Take some quiet time to reflect upon what really matters to you, how you want to spend your time, and what needs to change in order to find alignment and focus.

If you know me, you know that the concept of integrity is at the forefront of my work and personal values. I have found that it is the universal thread that binds us or destroys our work and relationships. Having integrity with all we do and say requires constant awareness, self-accountability, internal strength, and grit. Andy Stanley’s most recent podcast addresses this very issue as it relates to leadership. He defines integrity as: “Doing what you ought to, even if it costs you”. You could argue that a small breach in integrity may be worth it, it may allow a “better deal”, a quicker result, and a long-awaited promotion. All of these may be true but there is a cost. Leadership is a marathon, your success is not contingent on one event or moment, it is a culmination of behaviors, interactions, trust, and relationships. People know, and people remember. More importantly, YOU remember, you are aware of these micro-breakdowns that weave the fabric of your being. The secrets we hold, even with self-justification, wear on you. When we sacrifice our integrity it is easy to justify yet, have you accounted for the shrapnel? The diverse number of people who are now responsible to pick up the pieces, covering for you, and making amends on your behalf? You have sent a clear message, “I value this outcome or myself more than I value you, the company, or this project.” You have now stepped into a breach of trust. A very difficult hole to dig yourself out of. Maintaining integrity requires constant awareness and intentionality. To not only hold your values up again each decision you make but also to recognize that each small breach of integrity allows the next one to be that much easier. The integrity bar is lowered ever so slightly and your acceptance of “sub-par” begins to feel slightly more comfortable. Over time, the standard behavior has morphed into something you previously would not recognize or accept. When we witness a great breach of integrity, I can guarantee you, it is subsequent to smaller pervasive lapses that grew over time. Stanley suggests it is a culmination of a “series of unwise decisions.” (very thoughtfully put!!) He notes that this lapse in integrity typically shows up in one of four areas. Areas that have a tempting pull to satisfy our ego and desires. Finance (our need or desire for money) Liberty (our desire to acquire freedom and independence) Recognition (establishing credit or a position for the work we do) Pleasure (to feel valued and satisfy our ego). He also notes that if you are being honest with yourself, you are well aware of when these lapses begin. We rationalize, justify, and use creative excuses and language to convince ourselves and others that it is not what it appears to be… but you know the truth. It is at this moment that you ask yourself, what do I value most? What am I willing to sacrifice (finance, liberty, recognition, or pleasure) to stand in the shoes of integrity? What am I willing to give up? To err is human. Can one recover trust, reputation, and integrity? It begins with identifying and aligning with your values, committing to change, and integrating a strong sense of self-leadership in everything you do and say. Begin by owning your participation, apologizing to the ones you have hurt (not defending), and developing an accountability plan or partner. Words are cheap and will not serve you since the trust is already broken, actions over time are what matters. Commit to the long term and lead with humility, empathy, and integrity. My Challenge to You: Allow this idea to sink in by listening to Andy Stanley’s latest podcast: Integrity in the Life of a Leader In a moment of quiet, connect with the aspects in your life that are out of alignment and ask yourself, is this linked to my lack of integrity? Lack of integrity and holding secrets are pervasive and have been shown to create physical changes in our bodies. They can alter our perception of events and exacerbate how we experience a physical sensation, literally, we feel the heavy load of secrecy. Having an outlet to discuss these lapses in judgment has been shown to relieve this burden.

Have you thought or said these words: “it’s their job to do that. I shouldn’t need to say ‘thank you”? I would challenge you to think, do we only say “thank you” if others go above and beyond or could we instead choose to be overly generous with our appreciation? Andy Stanley recently aired a podcast episode on this very concept. The Power of “Thank You”. He brilliantly noted that forgetting these two powerful words sends the message that “I could have done this without you.” We would never have said that, but that is what people feel. So how does one create a genuine culture of gratitude? “Genuine” is the key. It is not rainbows and false gracious comments. It is the creation of relationships and awareness that others’ contributions and hard work advance not only the team but also our own success. Without acknowledgment of these small acts, they will not be repeated. Showing gratitude and taking the time to pause, slow down, and recognize the impact of others may come more naturally to some than others. That is ok. It does not have to feel natural; it only has to be present. To some, this may require planning and intentionality, which does not diminish its sincerity. Andy points out that to have a big impact, gratitude should have three elements: Specificity: speak directly about the effort or activity that you are appreciative toward. The more detail, the better. Be honest: Highlight behavior that you genuinely would like repeated. False praise will be obvious to others and will diminish trust. Go public: Your words are powerful and motivating to others. Public acknowledgment makes the recipient feel good and sends a broader message of appreciation and attention. Tactical steps to integrating and fostering a habit of gratitude? Thank you notes: I don’t care if you are young or old, we all love a handwritten letter of appreciation. Not only does it point out the obvious by highlighting a specific act or behavior you are thankful for, but it also shows that you intentionally made time for the other person. An invaluable message. Keep a stack on your desk, so this stays top of mind, or schedule time each week to send 3-4 personalized notes. Ask a colleague to remind you. Again, partnering with someone to remind you to call out the actions of others makes it no less genuine. Make sure you begin meetings with a “shout out” to someone who positively impacted the team in a big way or little. It is not so much about the act but about the acknowledgment of the person and the time they took to build success. Sticky note: Again, remind yourself that this is a new habit you wish to create and make a priority. Everyone wins with an offering of gratitude. Pay it forward, and it is destined to continue and be repeated. It is not manipulative if coming from a place of humility, grace, and focus. Why do I say “focus”, because the focus is the difference between platitude and genuinely caring? Slow down, stop what you are doing, pause, look them in the eye, and say, “thank you”. A moment like that resonates so deeply and creates a ripple effect that will influence the culture of your entire organization.

I recently saw this image and it felt so powerful given the state of many organizations. Leaders are struggling with retention, morale, and insight as to how to best support their team. We all have the natural tendency to double down, dig in our heels and tightly monitor encounters as tensions rise. What about a different approach? Let go. If you have hired great people who are positioned well, then I would challenge you to trust your team to do the work only they can do. Your job is to step back, promote the vision, and strategize at a high level. Your job is not to control but to guide and support. “Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.” Bruce Lee What gets in our way of letting go? The Stickler (positive intelligence) - the voice in your head that says “I can do it best, if it is not done my way then it will be wrong, everything has to be perfect…” It is this thinking that diminishes the strengths of others, does not allow collaboration, and does not permit you to work at the top of your profession. Yes, allowing others to take control will not ensure it will always be done as you imagined but most likely it will still be good, just different, and conversely, will free up time and energy to do only what YOU can do. When uncertainty is prevalent, control is what we seek to feel safe. Vulnerability is fear-provoking. We would rather micro-manage than allow others to see our struggles. Ego- our fallback story is that the success or failure of the organization rests solely on us. When stress mounts, our tendency is to retreat within. We hold our cards tightly since we believe all eyes are on us and failure will reflect our worth. What happens if you let go? Of course, you risk failure, but that risk is inevitable. If you allow your team to step up and assume accountability your failure rate vastly diminishes. You step into leadership and assume a supportive role as opposed to “doing” the work. Ben Brearley said it well: It’s like trying to grab water – you can’t do it. The more you try, the more it spills. However, you can guide water, by adjusting the channel through which it should flow. This is the same way we need to be guiding our teams. Individual team members will rise if given the opportunity. It is amazing what happens when you recognize talent and empower them to do their best. When teams assume accountability it naturally creates pride and higher performance. Through my years of coaching, I have noticed one consistency. People do not typically offer more of themselves or communicate openly unless they are given permission to do so. The leader must open the door and invite them to participate. This certainly surprised me but has been a consistent finding regardless if they are a C suite or a manager. People “stay in their lane” until they are given an opportunity to do otherwise. You are the person to shift the dynamic. Give permission, loosen the reigns, and inspire greatness.

We have been asking questions since the day we could talk but how impactful are these words and are you inadvertently sabotaging yourself along the way? As a leadership coach, my job is to ask powerful questions without any bias as to where the answer leads us. I try to craft fewer but more powerful questions in an effort to get to the root of the problem rather than dance around the issue. So what is the trick? While I continue to learn and hone my skill, I do want to share some powerful insights. Powerful questions do not have to be verbose or layered with fancy vocabulary. Most of the time, a simple, well-crafted question is the key to unlocking great wisdom. You can’t ask a great question if you have not listened to learn. Remember my favorite quote? “Listen to learn rather than listening to respond.” Great questions come when you are present with the other person, consider the context of the conversation, the tone of their voice, and are able to forego emotion and judgment. Don’t “stack” questions. This is well-known in the coaching world but may be new to you. “Stacking” is when you ask multiple questions at a time in various ways or ask a question and then pontificate and then ask another question (or two) on top of it. Stacking does two things, it diminishes the power of the question and it confuses the other person since you have strayed from the questions creating a lack of focus. The strategy here is to slow down and pick your words carefully. Craft your one question that specifically asks what you want to learn and then… stop talking! (that is the hardest part) Allow for silence and time for the other to thoughtfully consider the gravity of your question. Once aware, you will notice how often you stack and how little those additional questions add. Many times we stack because we are nervous or do not have clarity as to what we need. Take time prior to your conversation to organize your thoughts and create questions that clearly express your inquiry. The last one to highlight is the “why” question. While it makes sense to seek to understand the origin of the thought or action the WAY in which you ask it and the words you choose could elicit different responses. “Why” questions many times invoke a defensive reaction even if that was not your intent. For you linear thinkers out there, this will be tough. You want to get to the point and move on... ”Why did you include Tom in this meeting?” “Why did you send that email?” Simple enough, but the other person may feel you are questioning their authority and conclude that you disagree with their decision. (maybe yes, may no, but either way, the story you just created is not in alignment with your intent) David Marquet who wrote the great book Turn the Ship Around also wrote a wonderful article in Medium titled 7 Ways a Leader Can Ask Better Questions, check it out! My Challenge to You: Be mindful of how you craft your questions and if you have a tendency to stack. If so, take a movement to craft one powerful question and then listen to learn. When tempted to ask “Why”, reframe and come from a more curious position. “Could you tell me a bit more about how you decide who should attend the meetings?”

My wonderful colleague, Karl, just introduced me to the acronym V.O..C.A. to summarize the challenges and culture that leaders are currently facing: Volatile, Uncertain, Chaotic, and Ambiguous, this seems to sum it up well. The platform of focus and conversation has shifted in the past few years and it falls upon leadership to adapt, flex, and develop new skills to accommodate and support these challenges. I encourage you to see this landscape as an opportunity to learn more about your team, facilitate deeper conversations, and adjust your approach to capture insights. I recently read the book Man’s Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a psychiatrist and prisoner of war in the Nazi concentration camps and thankfully survived to reflect on his experience. He coined the approach logotherapy which focuses on how and why people can endure hardships. His belief is that it is the inner drive for “meaning” that allows people to thrive rather than just survive. While the last few years in no way compares to his experience, the tenants are similar. He notes that in a time of crisis people go through three stages, Shock, Hope, and Despair. When one falls into a state of apathy, they feel only despair, become callous to sadness, and focus only on survival. No longer do they seek out love, innovation, and connection. I am sure you have seen this with your team or perhaps yourself. I have noticed some people have pulled inward over the past years, overwhelmed by the lack of clarity, the fear of sickness, and the unknown end. There is less clarity about the future and plans are made in the short term. If we can draw from Frankl’s experience and wisdom, it is supporting the search for meaning which will bring resilience to our colleagues. While “meaning” is personal, you can create an opportunity for positivity. To shift conversations to the future, towards hope and clarity. At times of suffering it may only take the infusion of positive thinking to shift the energy and create momentum. How do you start your meetings, are you recapping the negativity, all of the changes, all of the added work and shuffling? Or, might you begin with the insights your team has gained, accomplishments from creative thought, and the hurdles you have triumphed? As a leader, it is your energy and enthusiasm which will carry the tone. You hold the keys to inspiration and hope. At times of uncertainty is tempting as a leader to control more. To assume that your boundaries will decrease confusion and chaos but studies have shown that t his approach may create more anxiety. Shifting focus towards granting autonomy, creativity, and independence will create more engagement and loyalty within your team. My Challenge to You: Are you leading with clarity but allowing for hope and innovation? What question could you ask your team to connect with their vision to create a more positive and inspiring culture? Are you marking accomplishments and victories with a celebration? Small acts of recognition will encourage more of the same.

This is fascinating… I have always associated confirmation bias (CB) with a specific issue or topic which supports my point of view. Here is what I learned in an interview with Melina Palmer on Negotiate Anything. Melina is a behavioral economist, which means she studies how the brain makes decisions and thus affects our conversations and perspective. CB is at play all of the time, in every action, and in every relationship and interaction we have. Our brains have two distinct parts, the conscious and the subconscious. Studies have shown that throughout the day between 95 and 99.999% of our thoughts and actions are processed on the subconscious level! It is amazing we are still standing up! Think about walking, when you were a baby, the concentration needed to take a few steps or kick a ball was tremendous, now, as an adult, you walk down the street with little to no focus on your feet or balancing. This is your subconscious at work, all of those elements continue to be accounted for but have shifted to the subconscious. It is not until you are running through the woods navigating roots and rocks that you move into conscious walking. Our cognition is similar, when stakes are high or emotions are at play our subconscious kicks in and tries to align thoughts and perceptions to confirm what we believe to be true, this is all done at an unconscious level. Your subconscious is on a continual quest to confirm what you want to be true. If you begin an interaction with a colleague with the thought that they are difficult, irresponsible, and arrogant, you will perceive just that. Your brain will automatically filter those attributes that confirm your bias and those elements will overshadow all others. What you choose to highlight or focus upon, your brain will indeed, perceive as true. CB shows up in a positive light as well, if you view the other person or content as thought-provoking, positive, and exciting, you will naturally experience and focus on ad experience those qualities. Melina notes that our subconscious brains process 11 million pieces of information per second whereas our conscious brain processes 40 pieces per second, while a bit terrifying, it certainly shows that there is a lot of filtering taking place. Given that statistic, is important to take an active (conscious) role in filtering. Imagine how much data you are not accounting for. Admitting to and exploring your biases does not mean you have to change your stance, it only means you have remained open and curious about possibilities beyond your biases. Becoming aware of how much we may misinterpret, not consider or appreciate is half the battle. So how do you do this? Simply become aware, curious, and accountable to the idea that there may be more to consider. Prior to acting or making a bold statement, ask yourself the same question from a different perspective and try to prove yourself wrong. A short game of mind gym will prompt deeper insights and ideas. Access alternative sources that may challenge or contradict your stance. Ask another question and listen to learn rather than respond. My Challenge to You: Take a moment to walk very intentionally, notice your breath, the sound of your shoes hitting the ground, the feel of the air on your skin, and the sounds around you. Be mindful of how much you normally would have disregarded. (for all of you Positive Intelligent junkies… these are your PQ reps!) When thinking about the Ukrainian conflict, be mindful of how you are processing this information and the CB that are at play. Are you reacting? Judging? Filtering information to prove you are “right”? What does it feel like to take the “other side”? How do you think empathy influences confirmation bias?