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  • Writer's pictureShandy Welch

Normalize your secrecy

It has become apparent to me that so many of us get captive to our own shame and create a world of secrecy that comes to isolate, divide, and control our lives, relationships and existence. It limits our dreams, alters our greater vision and stagnates our present moment. We have repetitively told ourselves that our fears, mistakes, and misjudgments are so horrific that they must be locked inside of ourselves and if anyone discovered them we would come unraveled, ostracized, and shunned.

I have heard stories of personal shame, disease, drinking, cheating, lying, adultery, drugs and many more and here is what I can tell you. These are good loving people who have made terrible hurtful choices but these events certainly do not define them or override all of the contributions they have made in other parts of their life. Speaking the words of truth take courage and strength but with that is the realization that forgiveness of yourself and owning your mistakes is a powerful step. To be in an environment in which truth, reconciliation, and honesty is an everyday event would be a game changer. Imagine if the loneliness you felt was dispelled by others that struggle with the same shame. Imagine if your thoughts were normalized, supported and discussed? How would that feel? We can do that together by all taking a step towards vulnerability, honesty, and compassion.

Remember, it is your perspective and perseverating thoughts that create the mountain of doubt and shame. The actual event or misgiving has gotten lost in over thinking and desire to hide. If we could only be gentle with ourselves, step back and realize we are just human, the difference between us all is so minimal it can not even be calculated but yet we drive a wedge between us and others that is, in most cases, a fabrication of reality. The misguided thought that you are the only one that has struggled with XYZ, that there is nobody else who could possibly understand what it feels like. Here is the reality, many people know just how it feels but are terrified to say anything so everyone stays in their own corner of solitude and fear.

Releasing the secret will undoubtedly do a few things. 1. It will shatter the wall of self-perception and shame. 2. The space of vulnerability will allow you to see others’ compassion and humanness. You will find the common connection that exists without judgment but with support and understanding. 3. You will realize you are really not that different from everyone else. You will come back into the fold of realizing your humanness. Find a person that leads with compassion, listens with thoughtfulness, take a deep breath and tell your story. The weight that will be lifted is immense and freeing.

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